Blinded by the light…or my sight?

Happy Thursday!

Currently writing this post while listening to JB.  Now before you pass judgement on this blog thinking I am stuck in this 13 year old girl phase, we are allowed our guilty pleasure when it comes things.  Justin Bieber music since 2014 has been mine.  His album Journals totally gave him this adult vibe and I’ve been in love with his music since then.

But anywhoo on to the actually PURPOSE( see what I did there? lol) of this blog:

Let’s go ahead and reminiscence on the good old days.  The sweet days of childhood and what that encompasses for each of us.  For me this meant a lot of things: like cartoons, movies, certain memories and oh my ever blurry view of how I saw things. Literally.  I even remember the moment realizing that I couldn’t really see all that well.  I was in my kindergarten class and the teacher was always shaking her head when we had to copy things down because apparently whatever I was writing was completely off.  A lot of my summers including up to this present including the annual trip to the eye doctor to check my vision and get some new glasses.  From kindergarten to the seventh grade I was four eyed and that really became a part me.  Now raise your hand via internet if you can relate, growing up there wasn’t really these cute and chic glasses like there are now.  The “nerdy” look wasn’t in style and most of the kids frames were metal frames that usually was your favorite color or after your favorite cartoon with those uncomfortable plastic pieces that indented the sides of your nose.  I never felt pretty with my glasses on and most of the comments I receive reinforced how I felt.  Whenever pictures were taken I would take them off because I thought I would look better with them off.  When I got to have contacts in seventh grade, I was super excited and started to feel like a whole new person.  I was found attractive and for once I started to see my own beauty.  I wore them so frequently that whenever I had to wear my glasses that I came back to that sense of low self esteem and equated wearing glasses to the appearance and feelings of childhood.

So your probably wondering well okay but why bring this topic up?  Well I recently just got some new glasses and ordered contacts.  Now there were several things that happen during this visit that impacted me greatly and made me reflect back to my childhood.

1.) I went the longest I have ever been without wearing some form of corrective lens.

2.) I had to pick out new glasses.

Now some may look at these two points and shrug and think so what is the big deal?  Well they were a big deal because they made face things I try to avoid. First off I really wear corrective lenses like a lot.  I literally only don’t have them on when I’m sleeping or some taking a shower.  So I tend to forget except for when I go to the eye doctor how bad my vision is.  Being asked to read the bottom row of the letters sends me into this weird emotional state , almost guilty that I can’t see it.  Somehow, that it is my fault I can’t see and I should be able too.  That probably makes zero sense but in my head it sends me into this weird anxiety and I just want the blurriness to become crystal clear. So those 30 minutes I couldn’t wear anything in the middle of the day really made very grateful that even though it may not be 20/20 vision that at least I can see and I should thank God for that.

Now my prescription requires a thick lens for glasses which means I can’t wear those cute big nerdy frames. When the lady told me that I felt like the tiny violin music came on as I was forced to put down some cute big frames from Cover Girl and look at smaller selection of glasses. It limited me to the frames that really sent me back to those days of my childhood.  I remember being made fun and feeling so ugly in my glasses.  I soon was snapped out of my funk by mom, who bless her soul, was able to get me to look at the glasses more postively and find some ones that were in the moment to me decent.

So today when they came in and I tried them on I instantly feel in love with the person I saw in the mirror.  I saw the very intelligent, sweet and fly person I have come to identify with and no longer felt that the glasses were a hinderance but rather an extension of my personality.  So I think I finally broke the mentality that my glasses are for sick days and make me look worse because they can make me look just as great without. These glasses aren’t just decent they are fabulous.

So the point of probably the longest post I’ve ever written?  That self love and acceptance are super important for emotional and mental health.  It may take some time to fully gain it but one step at a time can really bring more happiness into your life.  Yes, past experiences can leave some weight on our memories but they shouldn’t define our future moments or even how much we love ourselves. 

Until my next cup of coffee,

a happy four eyed girl

P.S the title of this post was just a fun play on words to a song that came into my head while writing this. Do you know the song? Leave me a comment if you do and if you also enjoy the song!

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